My life changed in that hospital bed under the care of my mother’s psychiatrist. He did not do anything spectacular. Just his presence was enough. He was probably the one who was most shocked about what he was seeing. You can just imagine him trying to understand how my mother could have passed on the madness to me! Of course he did not tell me he was shocked but it was obvious even to me. I think he and I are the only 2 people who would understand just how shocking it was to see me becoming just like my mother.
I had never seen such a thing in my life, or rather, I had never quite grasped the meaning of inheritance until that day. That was my inheritance from my ancestors. That was what they left me to deal with. I almost followed in their footsteps. God Almighty!! Thank God that almost doesn’t count in this case!
In this world you can become so distracted by all the things around you that you never stop to ask yourself who you are and what you are doing here.
I had only known my husband for about 10 years. He could never take the blame for what had happened to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, from even before we were married, I knew that. I think that was what saved my life. God’s people perish for lack of knowledge and that small piece of knowledge is what saved my life.
The world had not distracted me enough to take away everything I had learned in my 38 years of being alive. I know you will find it hard to imagine that all you need is to know that no one is to blame for your situation in order to be saved but that is the truth. NO ONE IS TO BLAME FOR YOUR SITUATION!
If you get nothing else from me, I pray to God that you at least get that sentence and let it be engraved in your mind for as long as you walk on this earth.
NO ONE IS TO BLAME FOR YOUR SITUATION. Doesn’t matter what they did or did not do or whatever, NO ONE IS TO BLAME FOR YOUR SITUATION.
Women who live on the Highway to Heaven do not blame anyone for the situations they find themselves in.
The courage it took for me to STOP wanting my husband to get rid of his receptionist or someone to do something to make him stop really did not come from me. I did not have that courage. The courage to stop looking outside of me for the solution to my problem and start looking inside of me I know is not human courage.
Only the Holy Spirit could have done that to me or for me or however you want to look at it. A shift just happened and suddenly I found myself contemplating a solution on my own with no one else around. Although there was a time previously that I actually contemplated suicide, it was not an option that I took seriously enough.
By the time I ended up in hospital I was convinced that my husband loved me enough to listen to me and do the right thing. I just needed to find a way to make him listen to my cries for help. I stayed in hospital for 3 days and from the day I left until now, I occasionally find myself wondering what would have happened to me if I kept on thinking that there was a way of getting my husband to listen to my cries for help and trying to find that way. That way never came and it will never come. Thankfully, I do not need it to ever come.
And let it be clear that it was not my husband who was refusing to listen to me. He listened but he could not do anything. That is the truth. He could not do anything because He couldn’t. It is that simple. There is no reason, explanation, justification, argument or whatever that could ever be given for him being unable to do anything that could satisfy the minds of all of us in this world.
There are some questions in life that have to be left unanswered. Do not bother yourself with asking why so and so is like that or why she cant see or why he cant do. It doesn’t matter. People are just who they are and there is NOTHING you can do about them but let them be. If you have a problem, deal with it yourself otherwise you will end up in a spiral spinning fast and hard into oblivion. Let everyone live their own lives. God has given each and every one of us the free will to decide what to do with our lives.
I had to get to a point where I realized that my help………….my only source of help…………….was not my husband or anyone else. My help had to come from me and it had to come from me hearing my own cries and instead of waiting for someone to come and help me, I had to help myself. It is you who has to hear your own cries. Even those who love you cannot help you. They can listen, suggest, cry, moan, weep, finance, whatever but they cannot help you. Only you can help you. Life is that tough and you have to live with it.
I was rehabilitated in that hospital room. When I realized that I had to help myself, I just sat there quietly just watching what was happening around me and asking myself what my options were. How could I help myself? How do I get myself out of this situation? What is my future going to be like? What will happen to my children? How, what, who where?? I had many, many, questions.
The Holy Spirit led me to accept that my husband was who he was and he was not going to change for me. That was never going to happen. He would change for himself only. It was then, at that point of accepting that my husband would only change for himself; that in actual fact he only cared about himself; that is when I realized that I NEED TO CHANGE. I need to stop doing something. Something that was killing me. I NEEDED TO CHANGE FOR MYSELF!!! It was not about him at all. It was all about me. Can you see that?
This lesson my dear readers, is the MOST IMPORTANT LESSON YOU WILL EVER LEARN IN LIFE. That is if you do not know it already. If you are experiencing any kind of problem in your life, the solution lies ONLY in you changing yourself. The solution is not anywhere else. It is within you. It is you who has to stop doing something or start doing something. Do not look on the outside; look on the inside.
Women who live on the Highway to Heaven do not try to change their situations; they let their situations change them.
Hear me ladies, please. This is important. Now I never worry or get anxious about any situation I find myself in. What I do is ask God to use the situation to change me. And it works wonders. I am changing and becoming a force to reckon with. The truth has a sense of joyous fearlessness, letting go, careless abandon, call it what you like, that beats any experience of pleasure that this world could ever offer anyone.
It is hard. I know it is. Very very hard. To get to that point in life where you give up and surrender and exclaim and say, ok so I only have myself?! Its only me?! As in, this life is mine alone?! I am in it all by myself?! Nobody, can live it for me?! It is just me?!
Don’t resist the truth. Let the truth be told and let yourself hear it and let it set you free. IT IS ONLY YOU. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Let your life change you, don’t try to change your life. Your life is there to change you, not vice versa. Do not try to change your life. Please don’t try that. You change. And I guarantee you, you will not be disappointed by what you get. At the very least, you will be singing hallelujah forever and ever amen.
After repeating that truth to myself over and over and over again, I then entered into a nostalgic mood of asking who are all these people around me? How do I relate with them? I don’t matter to any of them then considering that I am here alone! If it’s only me, then can I just do whatever I want without caring about anyone other than myself? The answer there is yes. You can do whatever you want without caring about anyone or anything around you and just live for you. You can make any choice you want to make, just be ready to live with the consequences. Every choice you make, has consequences.
God is that good. He lets you do whatever you want. Being God, it really doesn’t matter what you choose to do or not to do. He is, was and will always be God. He has an endless supply of people to create forever and ever amen and if you destroy yourself, he will just create someone else to do what you couldn’t.
You are not God and you destroying yourself makes no difference at all to this world. God’s purposes will be achieved, with or without you. The truth was there from the beginning, it is there now and it will always be there. You can never do anything to destroy the truth. If you try to destroy the truth, you are the one who will be destroyed. Lies destroy you, they cannot ever destroy the truth. The truth stands firm like a mountain, like the sun, like the moon, it is never shaken, never moved. Like the sky, it towers above and beyond everything that is, was and will be. The truth reigns supreme. Lies are many. They are like roaches in a dirty kitchen. Roaches will never take over a kitchen no matter how many they become. This is the state of the world today.
Do not try to change the world order and think that just because everyone else is doing whatever, it is okay for you to do whatever. We can destroy ourselves and God will still be God. One day, whether in your life time or at your death, you will come to realize just how insignificant you are and just how important it is, ONLY TO YOU, that you begin to do the right thing because if you do not do it, you end up dead. Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. You wait and see. It will happen. It will happen because, ALL of us are in it ALONE.
Whenever you want to make a choice, try to be sure of what you are really getting. Do not be deceived into thinking you are getting pleasure when in fact, you are getting pain. This world has a sickening way of deceiving people into thinking pleasure when it is actually pain. Then people get into making some incredibly selfish choices that destroy them and their descendants for decades to come.
Read about King Solomon. The wisest man who ever lived and the choices he made. And how his father, King David, left Solomon an inheritance to deal with. Read also about Samson; the strongest man who ever lived. The choices he made and the consequences.
To live on the Highway to Heaven, you have to be able to make choices that will not destroy you. There is a way that looks right to a man but it leads to death.
Summary for This Lesson:-
You only matter to yourself. When and if you die, you die alone. Life will and must go on forever, with or without you.
Tip for this lesson:-
Think about YOU. Who are YOU? What are YOU doing? Stop thinking about ANYONE ELSE. Remove the log from your own eye before you try to remove the speck in the eye of another.