I will never forget 5th March 2012. That was the day I came face to face with my husband when he came strolling down the stairs to find me waiting near his car at a block of flats in Langata. When I had called him earlier, he had told me that he was in Nakumatt. I was convinced that he was lying to me. He had lied to me many, many, many times before. In fact, he had lied throughout our marriage.
I never checked up on him at all before this day and in fact, I knew nothing about anything when I was standing there at around 10pm and said, “David, I thought you told me you were in Nakumatt?” And he responded and said, “I am going there now!”
I later discovered that the person from whose flat he had emerged was his 20-something year old receptionist. I also later discovered that he had been having an affair with her and she had replaced his previous receptionist who he had been dating, according to him, from before we were married.
On that day, I was at our home in the evening reading a novel I enjoyed. The novel was about a broken marriage. Needless to say, I did not get to finish it because what I had been reading as fiction became my real life. Prior to that day, I would never have believed that my God-fearing, Seventh day Adventist, religious church-goer of a husband was an adulterer and in fact felt no guilt or remorse whatsoever about his affairs.
He assumed that by the time I found him at his girlfriend’s flat, I knew everything. That night he transformed into a monstrosity. He followed me home and the first chance he got he ranted and raved at me telling me essentially that I was an obstacle to his happiness, burdening him with responsibilities that he never bargained for. Other than that, I was nothing to him. I found it hard to believe him.
In the course of the days that followed I was told things like:-
1. When you told me you didn’t trust me, I just laughed because I never asked you to trust me!
2. I don’t know why you keep calling her a receptionist. You like looking down on people. I don’t know why you think you’re so special just because you are a lawyer. She respects you so much! She has never attacked you in any way! I am not like you, I treat everyone the same.
3. I do not believe in marriage or love.
4. I married you to please my mother. People used to tell her all the time about how even though I have succeeded financially, I will never amount to anything because I am not married. After I got married, they used to say ok he’s married, but why don’t they have kids. After we had a daughter, they used to say ok he’s got a child, but he doesn’t have any son. After we had our first son, they stopped talking and now my mother is happy.
5. Ok so I commit adultery, even you lie. The Bible says that all sins are the same.
6. Don’t think you are cleverer than your mother. That Bible you keep reading all the time carrying it around with you is what will drive you mad like her. The Bible is just a guideline.
7. She was so distressed when she found out that I was married. I could not just break up with her like that. If I tried, she threatened to kill herself. I had to do it slowly. That’s why it took me 9 years.
8. When we had our daughter, she had promised that she would be the one to give me a son. When you then had our first son, she was so distressed that I had to send her to America to recover.
In addition, I found all the emails my husband had been exchanging with his previous receptionist and read through them all. I was unable to recognize the 19 year-old boy of a husband of mine writing those emails and some of the things I read there were just unbelievable. I got to know his current girlfriend’s phone number and just as well, it turned out that the last 5 digits of her number were identical to the last 5 digits of his number. How romantic! On those evenings when I would sit there, 9 months pregnant, watching my husband eat the food I had cooked and waited up to serve him after coming from work to make him happy, he would be texting her. I would sit there just praying for sanity as I watched him texting and turning the phone away from my line of sight somewhat like an excited 16 year old.
Sometimes when we were asleep late at night, she would call. I suppose she knew then that their affair was no longer a secret. I was usually awake because I had a baby to take care of. If he didn’t pick the call, I would go look and see her number on the phone and wonder what the call could possibly be about other than just to let me know she was around. I also wondered what she was doing awake. Other times, if he was awake, he would actually pick the call and go out of the room to go talk to her and then come back to bed!!! Can you believe this?!
I did not believe that this was the same person I was married to and I still think, no, something somewhere went wrong one day and he lost his mind and then he was in the process of making me lose mine too. It was a competition to see who would enter the asylum first. Thankfully, I had previous experience in dealing with mental patients because I once tried to live with my mother a short while after getting her off the streets and I almost lost my mind then.
In August of that year, the receptionist posted a picture on face-book of her pecking my husband on his forehead and when I told him off about it, my nephew, who I was raising, being the one who had showed me the photograph, and I had been trying hard to prevent him from finding out about what was happening because he was sitting a national exam that year, he retorted by saying it was just a peck!
Obviously I had gotten married to a polygamist and I didn’t know. His bloodline must have never featured a monogamous man probably for millions of generations. The enemy we fight is lethal. Had my husband been straight with me from the beginning and told me what his intentions really were in marrying me, if I was still interested, I would have drawn up a contract to ensure that I would have equal rights and that our co-wives and co-husbands would be selected by mutual agreement.
From 5th March 2012 to 17th September 2012 when I was admitted in hospital under the care of my mother’s psychiatrist, my life was spiraling at full speed to a grand finale of me ending up like my mother.
17th September 2012 was the final time that I pleaded with my husband to stop his affair with his receptionist. I really had no better title to refer to her with. He did not even explain to me what I was meant to call her. Her role at his office is to sit at the desk at the entrance right next to the front door and pick up calls and welcome visitors into the office.
I was at the admission room and my husband was there with me. Our recently born baby was still breast-feeding at around 5 months. I was losing my mind. He knew that. In a lucid moment, I said, “David please, just get rid of that girl and let us fix our marriage for the sake of our children.” The answer I got shocked me into delirium. He said, “I cant do that! If I did that she would kill herself. Imagine someone killing themselves using my name. I could never live with that!” The next thing I knew, I was groggily waking up the next morning after being tranquilized that night. God Almighty!! That was me!
I could have died that night. No actually, I died that night. The me who woke up the next morning was completely lucid and alive to the following facts:
1. Whatever lay ahead in life was bigger than the battle of the titans.
2. I was not fighting human beings. I was fighting against spiritual wickedness in high places. My husband and his compatriots are just vessels. (Knowing this, I am so thankful that I am not like them!)
3. The battle is the Lord’s.
4. God is never out-numbered or over-powered.
5. My enemies are under God’s firm control.
6. Anyone who strikes me, strikes what is most precious to God.
7. GOD HAS A MONOPOLY OF POWER. Yes people, all power belongs to God. Even your enemies are empowered by God.
I never communicated at all with my husband’s girlfriend. She knew me well. She had even been to our home for my son’s birthday party. The same with his previous receptionist/girlfriend.
When I left him, it was very clear to me that the receptionist was the one he wanted to be with. They clearly deserved each other. He had told me that she is special and makes him happy. He was renting her flat for her and educating her in university. He even used to buy her flight tickets to go see her mum from my aunt’s travel agency!
They continued their affair openly with no shame, not caring about the havoc they were causing jeopardizing the future of the children of the home they were breaking by mistreating the woman who was responsible for the care and nurturing of those children. I was so sure that as soon as I left he would move her into our home, which I had spent millions re-decorating in the hope that we could start afresh and make things work. To facilitate that, I left him everything and only took what was evidently mine, including the kids, obviously.
It came as a shock to me when, after I left, he then said that the receptionist meant nothing to him and he was going to get rid of her! After a while, she disappeared from his office. What am I missing here? Is it not a tad bit late to be thinking of working on a dead marriage? When I decided to end our marriage, I took our wedding bands and disposed of them in a burial ceremony which symbolized to me that our marriage was dead and buried and I told him as much. When the person who hurt you insists on remaining the same after you have changed, there really is nothing that can be done to make any relationship with them work out.
It saddens me to imagine that people can joke with the life of another human being in such a callous way. Can a man really destroy the mother of his children for fun?! His wife, maybe. But the mother of his children? Was that affair purposed only to destroy me?
When my husband went about soliciting happiness from other women, what did he tell them was wrong with me, his wife? My best guess is that he must have told them the same thing he told me about them. That I was so obsessed with him, I threatened to kill myself if he did not marry me; so I trapped him! God Almighty!!
My husband shamelessly walked around the town I was working hard to build a home and career and raise my children in, defaming and slandering me to his peers and to the young women who hold PHDs in sexual immorality and everyone else associated and connected with this crowd in which he found his happiness.
On this quest to show women that I can help them find happiness, I have no choice but to clear my name in the process.
Summary for This Lesson:-
Marriage can kill but the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in you. Marriage is worth the risk. But only when God is before you.
Tip for this lesson:-
Trust only God.