8th August 2013
On the night of Friday 5th July 2013, my husband came and knocked on the door to the room I was sleeping in. I had been sleeping in the visitor’s room for several months after I decided to end my marriage. I would not have opened the door had I not been sleeping.
I never spoke to my husband. I stopped speaking to him many months before I moved out of our bedroom and eventually even stopped picking his calls. For many months we lived in complete silence. I never asked him for anything at all. Thanks to my God, I have a successful career and was making my own money which was enough for me to provide for myself and my three children sufficiently.
On that night, when I opened the door and saw my husband standing there, I almost collapsed. I quickly came to my senses and listened to what he had to say. Fortunately he had not learned of what I had been doing for the last 4 days. I had been moving mine and my children’s clothes and personal effects to my mum’s house with the intention of leaving him and taking the children with me. He was not aware that this night was the very last night I was ever to spend in that house.
He said that he wanted to talk to me and I quickly said that I couldn’t talk because I was sleeping and perhaps we could talk on the next day. I will never know what it was that he wanted to talk about because the next day I left before he was awake. I did not want to talk. The last time we talked, I expressly told him that I was done talking. There really was nothing left to say. I had said, heard and seen enough to know that I was never meant to have survived my marriage. I was never meant to have had any children and if I had any, even my children were never meant to survive the marriage.
God is good. He is a good God. He taught me to forgive my husband and move on with my life. Forgiveness really truly is not for the person who hurts you but for you who is hurt. What my husband had done was unforgiveable. I was nevertheless able to forgive him when I realized that what he had done had destroyed him and not me or my children. Like Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego, I had been put into a burning furnace and came out not even smelling of smoke!
Today I want to teach you about forgiveness and just how easy it is when you know what it means to forgive.
You can only forgive a person when you are able to rise above your own pain and hurt and realize the following:-
1. Anyone who hurts you has been hurt. More often than not, that person was not hurt by you.
2. Anyone who hurts you hurts too.
3. You will never understand why anyone hurts you.
4. You can understand that anyone who hurts another is motivated by his/her own pain and not by his/her own pleasure.
5. Being hurt by someone is a choice.
6. The only alternative choice to being hurt is to change. You either hurt or you change.
7. Never wait for the person who hurt you to change. More often than not, that will never happen.
8. It is you, and not the person who hurt you, who has to change for you to stop hurting.
9. Even if, by some miracle, the person who hurt you changes, you will never stop hurting until you change too.
10.The change you have to make is to strive to become a better person.
11. You cannot change yourself.
12. Only your maker; your creator; the one true living God, can change you and make you a better person.
13. Forgiveness is the only means by which to stop hurting and choose to change.
14.Forgiveness comes when the hurt is worth the change you see in you.
15. You can never become a better person if you never get hurt.
Summary for This Lesson:-
Do not let the pain hurt you, let it change you.
Tip for this lesson:-
The lesson is in the doing. Don’t try to understand forgiveness; just do it.