Tuesday, 13 August 2013

LESSON TEN


LESSON TEN

No human being can satisfy the insatiable hunger for love that people demand and expect from each other. I did not know what my husband wanted from me! I even went for Luo classes believing that maybe if I spoke Luo as well, he would hear me! Now that I have changed and found what I was looking for without him, I see what my husband was hungry for, making all his monumental demands on me. It is so clear to me that I could not have done anything for him to be satisfied, equally as much as he could have done nothing for me to be satisfied.

What I wanted him to do would not have ever been enough. Not ever. My demands were equally as impossible to meet as his were. The way he must have seen it is that I wanted him to die for me. And that’s true really. He told me that he needed his happiness to survive! I had no idea what that meant at the time but now I understand fully. We were at a place where, according to him, what I wanted, would kill him by taking away all meaning from his life and according to me, what he wanted, would kill me by taking away all meaning from my life! Stalemate! Someone had to give and that someone was me.

I had to choose between my husband and my life. I chose my life. I have no regrets. I only have one life but husbands, I can have many. I am sure that is exactly what he told himself when he decided to go shopping for a second wife. He must have said, I only have one life but wives, I can have many. And off he went. He started, I followed. I am his wife. I am entitled to equal rights with him. The same basis on which he makes decisions about our marriage is the same basis on which I make decisions about our marriage.

The truth is that we want to see something different but we do not want to be the difference. We need a change in our lives yet, we do not want to change. We want everything else, anything, whatever, to change while we stay the same. As surely as you will not change is as surely as your life will not change. Be very clear on that when you say that you cannot, will not, wont, don’t want to, change. When you refuse to change, you will find yourself in many different situations, but your circumstances will always be the same.

The reason the hunger my husband and I had is so big and desperate and uncontrollable is because it is for something equal in size. Can you imagine something as humongous as what you feel inside of you that you are unable to satisfy? Are you longing for a job? Or to be rich? Or a spouse? Or children? Or to be healed? Or for your kids to behave themselves? Or for your wife or husband to just do this or that? How much sex, money, food, alcohol, etc will it take to satisfy that hunger? Can you please stop and listen for a minute?! Stop whatever it is you are doing. Stop it! It will never satisfy you. It will kill you.

I want to tell you here and now that that big hunger for what you just don’t know how to get can be satisfied.

God’s love is so wide, deep, long, immeasurable that trying to get a human being to satisfy it is foolishness at its best. I was foolish to think that my husband could satisfy my need for God’s love. My husband knew that I could never satisfy the hunger he had in him and so he looked for anything and everything he could find to diminish me and justify what he was doing. And most men would agree with him. And I do not blame them. It is true, the hunger is greater than anything anyone can ever imagine. It is huge.

We all have it by the way. It is not just men or just women or just who. It is in all of us regardless of sex, age, education level, whatever distinctions the world claims there to be. We are all the same on this one.

That hunger is a hunger that has suffered an identity crisis since the beginning of time. Nobody seems to know what to do with it. Nobody understands it. Nobody knows what it is. It’s hard to explain it but when you look at what kinds of messes people are making of their lives today, you will see what I mean. People are out of their minds, drinking, smoking, taking drugs, joining gangs, committing heinous crimes, raving, driving at obscenely high speeds, visiting and working in brothels, adulterating, fornicating, overeating to obscene obesity, making pornography of all types, swinging, killing themselves and each other, I mean, it’s that huge. This hunger! It has led people to insanity.

I am here to tell you that what we hunger for is God. That’s why the hunger is so unbelievably huge. But can you just imagine that God is bigger and greater than that hunger? He can satisfy it. He is infinite. Nobody can take His place in your life. Nothing can take His place in your life. When you try to fit a person in God’s place, you will either kill that person or she or he will kill you. One of you will die. If you try to fit a thing in God’s place, goodness gracious me, what you will get is the height of madness. You’ve seen it.

I am also here to tell you that God’s Word is true and it is in the Bible. Read the Bible and pray about this hunger. Pray long and hard. Tell God what you need. Ask Him to satisfy it. Trust Him. If you really beg for it and you are willing to change and you have tried everything you can imagine and nothing worked so that you genuinely want His help and no one else’s, AND YOU ARE NOT LYING, and you are persistent and when you can say: You Lord are all I have, you give me everything I need, my future is in Your hands, and mean it, He will satisfy you.

You have to beg because He is God and you are not. His ways are not our ways and His timing is perfect and He knows everything. You cannot get His help easily. I told you what I had to go through. I begged for months; crying uncontrollably. He will help you if you are willing to walk behind Him. Not in front or beside Him. Behind Him. You have to agree to follow Him. You have to let Him go before you and patiently wait while He prepares you for the journey ahead before you set off. When He goes before you He prepares the way for you. He levels the mountains and makes a smooth road for you. Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up. God does not tolerate any rivals. You must be willing to love Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and do everything the Bible says you should do.

Women who live on the Highway to Heaven have begged God and He has answered them and they have no doubt that He satisfies.

When I left the hospital room where I was rehabilitated, I changed my physical appearance. God told me to, and I did. No more excuses about how I don’t like make up, styling my hair is too cumbersome, I will shop when I travel, I don’t like shopping etc. I started wearing make-up, cleared my wardrobes of everything old and drab and gave them away, shopped for new things, started taking myself for pampering every Saturday morning: massage, body scrub, mani-pedi, facial; the works; started growing my hair, which I am now plaiting. Filled my bathroom with body sprays and perfumes and even bought foot cream!!!

I explored the salons and spas around where I lived and would treat myself often with a treatment or other. I did it all for me. I, as in me; I did it and I did it for me. That point is important. You do it for you. Not for him or for her or for them. No, for you. You do what you want for you. It is only you who knows what you want. If you want someone else to do it, you have to compromise on timing and quality and many other things. Now I just love myself the way I want to be loved.

I became lovely because I had found love. And I found it, in me. I loved me. Loved me. Its almost like a song. Can you sing it? I love me, I love me, I love me, I love me, I love me, I love me. Any tune you want. And sing it every time you want to hum something.

The best way to love yourself, is to love yourself. I think you get me now right? Ok, look; before, I wanted someone to love me the way I wanted to be loved and sat there waiting for the love I wanted to come from someone. That’s what I was doing that was killing me. That’s what took me to that hospital room. I was looking for someone to whom I would matter enough. Someone who would be there for me always. All the time. No compromise. Perfect timing. Always exceeding my expectations. Someone who would die for me. If someone is willing to die for me, me, the fornicator, liar and whatever, then I matter enough to them, don’t I? Yes, I think that’s the formula for measuring how much you matter to someone. I was looking for God, but I thought that He was human. No human will ever satisfy your need for God. Only God can satisfy that need. The minute you realize that, you are saved.

Saved from needing something you cannot ever get. Saved from asking for something no one can give you. Saved from searching. Saved from lying. Saved from hiding. Saved from wondering. Saved from dying. So when I tell you I am saved, this is what I mean. I am home. I have reached. This is it for me. Jesus is it for me. I am satisfied.


Summary for This Lesson:-

Look inside and identify the hunger within you. Pray and read your Bible and you will be saved from the horrible effects of spiritual starvation.


Tip for this lesson:-

God can only satisfy a hunger that can kill. That is the hunger to look for.


5 comments:

  1. wah. wee na mjaruo mwenzako u both failed love equation. sorry

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    Replies
    1. but u have a chance for a resit. coz sims he has done his..

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks for making me re-read it. I loved it too.

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