Wednesday, 14 August 2013



The courage that it takes to stop telling lies can only come from God because lies are protected by a very scary monster of a mother called SECRETS.

I for one know that I have believed that my secrets can kill me. What about you?

We all have secrets and they are scary. Talking about your secrets takes a lot of courage. The fear they instill in you is humongous. Almost as humongous as that hunger for God that I told you about the other day.

The strongholds that I have erected around my secrets are formidable. As I write this lesson and contemplate telling you what else there is about my marriage that will shock you, the strongholds are racing through my mind like formula one cars. The biggest stronghold of all is the question: what will people think?

So far, I have been thinking that I have been able to break that stronghold, having mustered up the courage to tell everything that I have told so far. However, now I realize that I have not broken it because that stronghold works by giving you other things to talk about and convinces you that you do not need to talk about the very thing that you know is the worst of it all.

In this lesson you will hopefully come to realize that secrets can indeed kill you and the only way to stop them is to talk about them.

I myself am a student in this lesson. I read through the previous lessons that I have published so far and I was fine with the content because I knew that there was something I still had not told you about. Now am imagining telling all and I can feel the jitters. I am imagining that someone might kill me. Not that I might die. No. That somebody somewhere will be unable to take me telling what I am about to tell and will then plan to harm me. If I make it to telling you, you will see exactly what I mean.

Because I am such an open person, private conversations are forums in which I can tell you anything you want to know about me as we get to know each other. It is going public that is the problem for me. To achieve that, what I do is tell people about my secret in private and convince myself that the people I have told are the same as if I had announced it on television because those people will no doubt talk about what they heard from me.

The day my husband met his current girlfriend, he told me about her. He told me about how pretty she is. How she is a half caste and, he told me quite a lot about her. I can remember that. But I cannot seem to remember what else he said specifically, what I remember is that it was to the effect that she was from a poor background and she is intelligent and he felt sorry for her and he had decided to give her the job. I remember that he did not at that time tell me his secret which I then later found out, which was that he wanted to date her and he did. I remember very clearly that her name was very difficult for me to remember and if we were talking and I happened to want to say her name, he would have to remind me her name. 

Now you can see from that, where me and you are right now. I have told you a lot about what happened in my marriage. I have told you enough for you to be convinced that there cannot be anything else that I am not telling you. But I am telling you now, that there is something else I have not told you and my not telling you that something else will ensure that you do not quite remember the other things that I have told you.

This is how the mind works. I hope you are still remembering what I said about the chat sessions being about me and my God and not me and my husband. The two are intertwined so closely that I am finding it hard to separate them without having to tell you that thing that I have not told you. I need to separate them because I want to be honest and truthful with you but am scared of what will happen when I tell you.

The fear I have now is equal to the fear my husband had about telling me about his feelings for the new receptionist. He told me all the reasons that made him feel the way he felt, but he did not tell me about the feelings. He stopped short. He took a short-cut and convinced himself that he had told me all that I needed to know and the rest was none of my business. Yes, he told me, during a lecture he gave about the history of his love life, that since I had gone and got myself into things which do not concern me and I want to know the truth, he will tell it to me. This was after he discovered the discovery of his emails with the receptionist he had replaced.

Lies, are half-truths. I told you before that there is no lie without some truth in it and that is why lies are so difficult to detect. You have seen the manner in which our government deals with grand corruption. That is what I am talking about.

Lies corrupt, contaminate, violate the truth in such a way that when you look at the truth, you cannot believe it! It is like looking at Jesus on the cross and being told that He is God. Lies always start with the truth because the truth is the foundation of everything that exists, even lies. They start with the truth and set about covering it up.

Imagine what was going on in my husband’s mind when he was talking to me about this new receptionist he employed. I did not ask him about her. I did not even know about her. He volunteered the information. He chose to come and tell me about her. Why did he do that? He did that because the truth that he was covering up was hurting him and he just had to at least tell me some of it so that he could get to a level of lying to me that he could live with.

This idea that he had formed in his mind that he should come and tell me about the new receptionist worked as a defence and also as an attack. It was a double-edged sword. It was what he would later use to tell me that the receptionist has been through so much hardship in her life and when I found him at her flat, he had gone there to talk to her and nothing more. He shouted at me asking me whether it was possible that in the time it took him to get out of the flat and walk down the stairs after I had called him when I arrived at the flats and lied to him that I was unwell and needed him to come and take me to the hospital, he could possibly have been sleeping with her. It was around 10pm at night and this man is in his receptionist’s flat and his defence is that he went there to talk to her about her problems. When I asked him what problems those were, he said that  I have such a big mouth, he could never tell me. The problems were between just him and her only. How could I not lose my mind? How could such secrets not kill someone’s wife? The secrets between a married man and his lover are secrets that can kill. That’s not even the problem. The problem is that the secrets will not kill anyone else but the man and his lover if only the rest of us can tell the truth about what we saw and heard. Did you get that?

Don’t worry, I will get you exactly where I want you to be when I tell you about my God and what He did for me in my marriage and which convinces me that am special enough to have come back from the dead because my specialty is opening up minds to the truth.

If I do not tell the truth about what I saw and heard and just keep quiet, I will be jeopardizing the lives of many, many people. I know that. But imagine I still find it hard to tell this secret. And when I do, you will understand that the balancing act is a tough one. I have told quite a few people but I still need to just let the whole world know about it so that I can find peace within myself.

I told you that I am on my husband’s side and that I love him. This is the truth. It will be very hard for you to believe that when you read what I have to say but in time, you will see. I want my husband to get saved badly enough to tell the truth and shame the devil. People can impute any motives they want as to why I am telling all this but I can honestly tell you that it is out of love for those same people.

Before I get to it, let me tell you about something that happened recently that convinced me that God is the one who wants me to tell you about this secret.

I travelled to Mombasa with my kids last Friday; after the airport fire. Our flight was at 2pm and it was over-booked, which was not surprising. We got on the flight and took our seats: me, my 3 children aged 6, 3 and 1 and my helper. Then there was a delay and then the cabin crew announced that 6 people needed to volunteer to get off the flight and travel on the later flight at 3.30pm. The truth was that there was a lady and her children who were missing seats on the flight and she had completely refused to get off the flight and take the next one. It appears that she felt that she was entitled to fly because she had children travelling with her and so those who already had seats, needed to disembark and let her travel. The choice that was given to us who had seats was that we either volunteer to get off, or the flight would be cancelled. We had just about 10 minutes to make a decision because if the flight did not leave within that time, the pilot would be violating some law because he had been on duty since 4.45am that morning.

I weighed my options, just like everyone else and amazingly, I, a mother of 3 decided to get off. The others just stayed put. But its understandable because me getting off meant 4 free seats whereas anyone else getting off meant just 1 free seat and we did not have time. It was an emergency of sorts. When I imagined the flight being cancelled and us not getting another flight because flights were already problematic with the recent fire, and then I imagined what I would tell my 3 beautiful,  wonderful, excited kids about why we did not go to Mombasa when we got back to the house, I made a quick decision and just told my helper and my kids to get off the plane and we did. None of the kids complained. I watched how that event unfolded and I knew that God was talking to me about something. I wondered whether this was those times a plane crashes and you appear on the news telling about how you got off at the last minute and had a near death experience which then changes your life. Other people talk about it for a while and then we all go back to the same old thing. No, it wasnt like that at all. You will see why. Be patient with the truth.

The plane did not crash, it arrived safely. I had a friend who was travelling on the same flight. She is a recently appointed judge and when I spoke to her later, she told me that everyone on the plane was shocked by what I did and they were desperate for me to know how thankful they were that I had saved the flight from being cancelled for their sakes and taken my kids off the plane so that another woman and her kids could travel thereby neutralizing the justification that had been used to threaten their future. The JUDGE! Are you hearing me? God is our judge. He spoke to me through that Judge and He told me that me and my children would be blessed mightily for what I did on that flight.

Just keep reading, you are about to see that I am truly a woman of God and that my God is God when your mind likens what happened on that plane with what I am about to do and what happens next. I am letting God be the judge. Letting go to let God. Don’t judge the truth, let the truth judge itself. You will be pleasantly surprised.

There is a GOD and HE DOES NOT SLEEP. I am proud to say that He is my God. I am also proud to say that I am doing what I am about to do for Him. This is where my story separates from being about me and my husband and becomes about me and my God.

Brace yourselves. I am about to do exactly what I did on that plane. God showed me that the consequences of what I am about to do will save the future of many, just like it saved the future of those on the plane who were just about to get their flight cancelled, if I had not walked out. 

I have no idea how those people ended up on the same plane as I did but God knows.

I have no idea what my husband will do when he reads this, if he reads it, but God knows.

I am scared to death to do this, but I fear God more because I live by His grace alone. I fear only Him.

It’s a long story, let us go to the next lesson.

Summary for This Lesson:-

Everything you ever wanted in life is within your reach if you can just stop waiting for miracles and learn to read the signs by choosing truth over lies.

Tip for this lesson:-

Take courage my friend. There is no power greater than God. He is bigger than anything and everything. He will fight it all and give you victory. Trust Him.


  1. You are such an inspiration Njeri. I admire your courage and resilience. Keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  2. We need more women to come out to speak up their stories....many are dying out of their husbands undoing leaving the children desolate..... How can we come with a network to support women heal themselves?